Roxy

I have always been an animal lover but my foray into dog rescue began with our dog, Roxy. Tom, my husband had just lost his old dog, Jack and we were thinking about getting another dog to be company for our little Terrier mutt, Maggie. We really liked the look of Australian Shepherds and I had actually called a few rescue organizations to try to adopt one but was put off by the long applications with their trick questions. The fact that we lived in coyote country in the middle of the Santa Monica mountains was a deal breaker for most of those groups. We grew frustrated with the process.

So one morning, two years ago, I am sitting in my office, when Tom walks in with an armful of puppy. I see right away she has the coloring of an Australian Shepherd, but her fur is short and smooth and she has big, baggy wrinkles around her paws and mouth like a bull dog. She is clearly very young and a little unsteady on her feet. Tom thinks she might be about 10 to 12 weeks old. I fall in love instantly with her bright blue eyes that look almost human. She must be a gift from Jack we decide at once. 

After Jack passed away that miserable day about six weeks prior, Tom had asked Jack to send him a sign so we would know that he was safe somewhere in that place that beautiful souls go after they leave us, but mostly we wanted to know that we were forgiven for choosing the time of his death. We weren't prepared for him to go. There was no middle ground where we held him in our arms while he slipped away. Instead, he went fast, not departing his body, but escaping it. One moment he was there and the next - poof - he was gone.

Tom and I both felt a lot of guilt. It was our decision for Jack's life to be over on that day, not his. Maybe he would have wanted to see it to the finish line and to leave us when he was ready and on his own terms. We had done what we thought was best for him. We played God that day and ended his sweet life. Our intentions were pure, but it still didn't sit right. There was no blessed release by ending his suffering - only guilt. We missed terribly him and felt off balance. Before there had been four of us and now just three, we needed to readjust.

Maybe this puppy was the sign that Tom had asked for. Maybe she was meant just for us, someone to fill the hole in our hearts that Jack had left behind. Either way, it didn't matter Roxy was our sweet new baby girl, and as it turned out the first step on a journey for me.